When you set your writing goal last week or last month – how far did you get? If not very far then why? Did you play the blame game?
According to Dr. Sills of the Comfort Trap – Blame focuses on the question “Who or what is at fault for getting me stuck here?” and it is a brilliant delaying tactic. If funnels painful feelings away from yourself., all the while postponing your need to face the anxiety of leaving a comfort zone. It evokes the satisfaction of righteous indignation. Sometimes blame is an arrow aimed at one’s own heart that evokes the security that no one else can sneak up and criticize you because you are already harder on yourself.
But blame does not rely on a rational assessment of a situation. Could you have left the dishes unwashed for an hour, in order to write during your designated writing time? Of course. Could you have easily told your co-worker that you had a private errand to run at lunch and wouldn’t be going out with her, in order to write in a park for 20 minutes? Of course.
No matter what you do in life – you are always making choices. You either stick to your writing schedule or you choose not to. It’s that simple. You chose to do the dishes, or have lunch with a co-worker, or let the kids interrupt you, or run an errand. That’s okay – just recognize that you made the choice and don’t fall into the trap of blaming your lack of writing time on others or on events and todo lists.
When you choose to do the dishes (or whatever) during your writing time you choose not to write, when you choose to write you choose not to do the dishes (or whatever). You really are the one in control.
What pushes us toward blame? The physical discomfort of your own fear.
How can you stop the cycle? Do whatever you must to reduce your creative anxiety – meditation, visualization, deep breathing, daily pages (ala Julia Cameron) walking, move your writing space outside, listen to music….
And most of all notice your language when you think about why you didn’t get to write when you planned to. Are you blaming? Don’t be a victim anymore. Take charge of your writing life and when you decide to do the dishes instead of writing, acknowledge your choice and let it go.
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